It occurred to me recently (yesterday) that our family is going through a crisis, not just a “difficult time.” When K’s health issues became more serious a few years ago, that was a “difficult time” …. now that the health issues have escalated to make getting through the day (up, dressed, eating) the top priority and working outside of the home near impossible, I think it has become a “crisis.”

Webster’s defines crisis as: “a decisive or critical moment” and I think that’s interesting because I previously understood it to mean something closer to “tragedy.” The actual definition is even more appropriate, in my opinion, because it presses the point that there is a choice here that determines the future path for our family — there is (very) real hardship, but the crisis is our response to it. Will we stand firm in our faith in God to lead us out of this, or will we react to the strain and sacrifice our vision for home and family?

Through this intensely faith-testing time I have been diving into prayer more than ever before in recognition that God is our ultimate Deliverer — not a medical diagnosis or accommodating job, although He may use those things. Trust is one of my hardest lessons in life, but I’m learning not to take matters into my own hands and that He will direct our paths in His time.

Still, homeschooling through any crisis – let alone two – is exceptionally difficult, as many commendable women before me can attest. With my focus so distracted, and understanding that learning doesn’t happen under stress, it’s more important than ever that we have anchor points in our day. Barefoot Girl’s best learning method is hands-on and self-directed which makes it challenging to have somewhat structured days without those anchor points; however, the closeness of shared learning is still important to her need for interaction and for family relations so I avoid too many isolated assignments. Following are the ways in which we are approaching our learning during this season.

Rhythms are more important than ever right not. Education reformers for well over a hundred years have written and spoke about the importance of emotional stability for learning to occur, and I’m quite sure modern educators in public schools would agree. Regardless of whether a child is home or in school during a family crisis, learning is going to be a struggle if there is not comfort and peace in the child or teen’s life — thankfully at home, we can learn how to do that together and develop a mindset to handle life’s difficulties so when they come up in Barefoot Girl’s future she’ll already have practice.

We do that with rhythms; we’ve always homeschooled with rhythms rather than rigid curriculum or schedules — it fits our (hers, actually) better anyway, but at this stage in life it’s essential. It grounds our days. When emotions are high or the day was hard, it’s calming to know what our next soothing rhythm of the day will be. Evening family read-aloud is crucial (for me too! or especially?), nature journaling, time-lining, practicing hospitality so that we are not too self-focused, hymn study, family devotions, and cooking/eating together anchors our days while our dear Wild + Free group and church helps to anchor our weeks.

A slight change I did is to adjust much of our learning time to evenings, and trying to include K as well. This gives us the day to stay busy tending to all the *things,* and puts the long hours of winter darkness to use. So in addition to our anchor rhythms, we may be discussing points in history or doctrine as a family, casually learning Greek or Latin roots with a game that I love but Barefoot Girl finds rather boring, sharing our nature observations, and in general learning how to discuss. I’m fairly certain that there was a certain Greek philosopher who spoke very highly of discussion as a learning form; I think it’s sadly overlooked in our modern dependency on curriculum.

Leaning into grace is *so* hard for my perfectionistic self, but thank God that this is why He tells us to rejoice when trials befall us for we get to learn even more about His grace and this Christian walk! When days turn into months of greatly elevated stress, it’s so important to remember to have grace for each other because tension will definitely stretch us to breaking points. Snapping back doesn’t help (ouch) — what character building! My daily prayer time helps keep me focused on my family’s spiritual needs so I don’t get too caught up in “fixing” our problems as fast as I can — like I can do that anyway. Call it grace-full homeschooling?

Did I mention that K’s been out of work? That means that all the programs, books, or lessons that I want to try are a solid “no” for now. With finances being at a zero budget, we get the creativity of really utilizing the library, the hundreds of books we already own, and our own observational skills that are in need of development. I am really appreciating the lack of internet and tech at home (other than a phone) that is forcing us to hold our thoughts and questions in our heads for longer than five minutes until we get to a book or library to explore.

The most creative way I’m doing this currently is with a monthly themed “morning basket” (except our time is evening) that brings in books/other items on one topic every month or so to keep our minds fresh and interested. This first month – that I’m excited about, probably because I really wish I could have a vacation — is “seashore” and I have literature, art books (seaglass jewelry), water scenes painting books, American artists that focused on sea paintings, a cd of Great Lakes folk songs, and Seabird by Holling C. Holling for a beautiful and unique look at science, geography, and natural history. Next month I’m going to do the Appalachian Trail/Appalachia or Benjamin Franklin – I’m having fun with this!

In the end, what matters is remember that God has called us to this life, and so faithfulness reaps faithfulness. By committing to honor this great caring, I am trusting that He is faithful to care and provide for us as He says He will.

There is a book my mother-in-law gave me many years ago by this title and when I read it I knew it was for the future me. It’s cover description is a call to women to “awaken to a life of dangerous prayer, stunning power, and teamed purpose” and while at the time I was just struggling just to get through the day, I felt the faintest stirring in my soul that there was something, a long way off, that would make me become a warrior.

Then 2020 hit, and I don’t mean my personal family’s struggles. I mean the blatant attacks against the God, family, the basic principles of liberty, and the foundations of our country….and that old latent rumble in the recesses of my spirit revived. Mama Bears everywhere began to rise up and draw the line in the sand; I have been so proud and encouraged to see women everywhere finding their voices to speak out against the tide of evil and defending truth for the sake of their children. Courage has been discovered that we didn’t know we had to take a public stand in the midst of astounding censorship and the flood of derision and opposition from the government down.

I have had countless conversations in the past two years wondering where the men are. Why are most of the active people in this war for liberty women? My initial thought was that society has desmaculinized men for so many decades that they no longer stand up to lead, but that’s not true either. Men are in this, but I think the reason we are seeing so many women is that the battle has come too close to the dens. When the children are threatened, mama bears – and lionesses – are a force to fear.

So I have been studying for two years. What does our Constitution really stand for? What did our founders really say about liberty, government, and God? Are we a racist country (no)? Where has God been anyway? I helped start a liberty group in my county. I started attending a lot of public meetings and learning about local politics. And all the while, the rumble was growingLast week I felt a shift in my spirit during my morning prayer time, and I told God that if He wanted me to speak out publicly, I was ready to face my dislike of having “all eyes on me” and be obedient. Two days later my friend asked me to read someone’s speech at the state Board of Education meeting, and I recognized the test — when you say “yes” to God, He’s not long in holding you accountable! I accepted. Then the day before she told me she felt that I would be giving my own speech, and I knew that was correct also. I sat down that night and wrote without any hesitation.

I think it’s funny that I thought I would start out at a small local level, but God immediately called me to a televised state board meeting and forced me to deeply examine myself: do I believe in these principles enough to televise my very nervous and imperfect speech? Do I trust Him and His work in my life enough to take such a huge step out of my comfort zone? I learned the power of applying prayer directly to my immediate circumstance: “I do not have a spirit of fear, but of POWER and of love and of a sound mind,” and the weight of peace that I felt after completing the task and leaving the room was palpable. Amid folks I don’t even know thanking me for speaking, I recognized that it was just something I HAD to do and I thanked God for finally helping me to “proclaim the good news of righteousness in the great assembly,” even though I didn’t speak outwardly of righteousness at all but rather Constitutional principles (which were founded on principles of righteousness).

But all of this is only because WE are rising – or rather, God is raising us up everywhere. This post isn’t about me or what I’ve done; it’s what God is doing. If He chooses to take unimpressive me and send me to talk to a state Board, then He’s definitely doing something! Madison wrote in Federalist 57 “If this spirit [which nourishes freedom] shall ever be so far debased as to tolerate a law not obligatory on the legislature, as well as on the people, the people will be prepared to tolerate anything but liberty.” Unfortunately in the U.S. right now there are a lot of people that seem to be prepared for anything but LIBERTY.

It’s up to us to revive the spirit.

P.s. : The book is by Lisa Bevere if you want to check it out!

I hate these catch up posts. How does one recap two and a half years of life? As I read my last posts I’m struck by how little has changed…and yet, so much has happened. It’s like someone hit “pause” in the summer of 2020, threw me in a pool, and I’m just now getting my head up and looking around while still trying not to drown. Are we any closer to the goals we were working on? Nope. Am I more exhausted, frazzled, and aged than two years should warrant? Yep.

Obviously, 2020 was difficult for everyone; however for us it was a time when the previous ten years of mental health and marital struggle culminated in a huge classic breakdown from which we’re still reeling. We were stuck without a job, a diagnosis of panic disorder and depression, and increasing chronic pain that made finding a different job near impossible and added to the depression. Did I say this was a blow to our already struggling marriage?

I had to pivot – again. Our home rhythm had to change – again. We had to wade through the bureaucratic mess of the va to try to get him any help at all…this was a time when everything became a struggle, even just getting through the day. To see that the little homestead ambitions had to get set aside is an understatement when I ran out of mental and emotional energy to do more than the bare essentials and our dear Barefoot Girl entered the teen years with a mom who was always stressed and angry-looking.

Depleted.

I won’t add the moral-sounding end to this post – the “but through it all, God is faithful and here is the good that’s come out of it.” He is, and I’m sure there is good, but there is also a lot of very real and still raw pain. We’re still in it. We’re still struggling. I don’t know the end of the story yet….and maybe there is no ending. Maybe this will be a lifelong fight and it’s only on the other side that we’re able to get any perspective on it. But one thing I know: I can’t stay away from writing any longer. It’s a fire He put on my heart, a pressure that won’t cease. I don’t think these are my words anymore, but His. I’m learning what it means to “pick up my cross and follow Him” directly into the pain of my husband and daughter, and the Gospel becomes more than just words when one is forced to live it daily. The homestead is more than a place to simplify and practice self-sufficiency. It has become what God always intended “home” to be: a refuge.

I always appreciate when blogs are real — that is, the author writes about what’s really going on in life, not just what will “post” well. For me, that’s been the hardest thing about starting to write again: sometimes there are just spans of time where nothing seems to happen worth writing about.

Take lately. Nothing of note has happened on the home front . . . we’ve just been in a gentle rhythm of daily life: feed the animals, do some homeschooling activities together, laundry and chores, get out for little adventures as much as possible with only one vehicle, and going to see our horse two or three times a week. Nothing that anybody else would find exciting, but I find it to be so wonderfully good for my soul that I’m not changing it.

Not having a garden this year has been very weird, although it is pushing me to do a better job of harvesting the few perennial herbs I have. We should definitely have enough lemon balm for the whole winter! Of course, I’m really missing the garden at this time of year, but I can tell that taking it out was a good decision. Like I said, sometimes you have to take something out all the way to see what shape it wants to take in your life, not what shape it already has. The new garden spot (when Kenny can get to helping me build the beds) will be pretty awesome, or at least it looks that way in my head.

We haven’t even been doing firewood yet because the chainsaw’s broken and Kenny’s overloaded. I started cleaning up the firewood spot yesterday . . . boy, that was a mess. I’m just going to do what I can for as long as I can and trust that God honors forward movement, no matter how small.

Were you called while a slave? Do not be concerned about it; but if you can be made free, rather use it.

1 Corinthians 7:21

A little exploratory search on the term “wage slavery” is interesting. If you have the time, you should give it a little bit of your time. A man that I admire very much and would love to meet someday, Herrick Kimball, wrote a deep and thought-provoking essay on his escape from wage slavery. I definitely recommend that you read that. This conversation would go deep into economic theory and application, which I would love to do, but for the sake of this particular post I’m going to move on . . .

While it’s difficult to admit, my husband and I are of the Millennial generation (albeit the earlier part of it). Stereotypes and misconceptions aside, this does mean that we’re the first generation in the history of our country that was projected to do worse economically than our parents; looking back over the past plus-fifteen years of adulthood and supporting ourselves and observing our peer-group, I can say this is true.

When I was growing up, my Dad was able to get an unskilled worker factory job with benefits for more than nearly all people our age have been able to find. Not only that, but most of us (not us, thankfully), are saddled with near-crippling student loan debt from following the advice we were all given in high school: a college degree will set you up better for life.

Not true.

Not true, not true, not true.

But why is it not true? Because while real wages have been historically going down since the seventies, inflation and taxes have also been going up. Now we pay more for homes, cars, and all the “extras” that are apparently necessities at this time (cell phones, anyone? Our parents didn’t have them — ie, pay hundreds of dollars a month for a “necessity”) while simultaneously making less — spending our lives “going backwards,” as economist Richard Maybury says.

We’ve experienced it. And yes, while we have made the choice in the past several years for one parent to be home (me), up until the (when???) that was a normal scenario. It wasn’t until the seventies that the economy changed to require two parents to work to “get ahead,” and those that choose family over getting ahead are really just getting farther behind.

Many economists are saying that the only way off this wheel in a government-controlled economy (yes, ours) is entrepreneurship. Coincidentally, that has always been a dream and a goal for both of us, albeit so hard to achieve; however, much time and consideration has allowed me to break down a huge goal into four achievable (by the grace of God) steps. There’s no order to them, for they can be accomplished at any time, but these are the four steps that I believe to be crucial to disembarking from the economic crazy train:

1. Water and Power Independence

Readers of this blog will probably recognize the importance, as Jefferson did, of a piece of land for a free and independent people. With that being said, there’s not much freedom in having to pay “whatever” price for the power to live on that land — electricity to heat and run the well pump (no power=no water does not equal a sustainable equation). Since our power sources are not part of the free market economy, we’re subject to whatever prices the politics and economics determine.

Not only that, but anybody that’s lived in the country long enough will agree that having the power go out every time it storms is more than an inconvenience. It’s an expense, a liability, a PROBLEM. And for those of us on a budget, a very expensive gas-powered generator is not an option; building our own power generators is a little more our speed.

Several years ago Mr. Buckeye purchases the cd-rom from Power 4 Patriots with the manuals to build your own generators. We’ve not had the time, energy, or money to this point, but we have reordered our finances and priorities enough now that that situation is different. Since having a sustainable homestead that is not subject to the whims of politics or weather is much more a priority to us than it has been able to be so in years past, this is now on the table of projects we are intent on tackling soon.

2) Setting Up Shop

Per the economics of entrepreneurship making more sense than the employee/wage model, running our own business has always been on our burner; however, *life* (can anybody relate?) has made it so hard. The timing right now, though, with everything going on with society and the deterioration of Mr. Buckeye’s mental health, has pushed this step much higher up the list. We literally can’t afford to not invest in our own skillsets, because his job is becoming more and more of a liability than an asset.

For us, “setting up shop” means stewarding our already God-given abilities in order to model our lives in a way that makes more sense. Mr. Buckeye is extremely gifted in craftsmanship and mechanics, and I in writing (the blog is a humble representation, I admit). In the past ten years, we’ve not invested any money in stewarding these gifts, but now we are. For others, it may mean something different: stewarding different gifts, or looking at what the local economy needs and providing that. Our paths are different, and that’s good.

Case in point: we finally bought Mr. Buckeye a new lathe!

3) NO. MORE. DEBT

This has been a struggle many married couples have experienced: different approaches to money. Our marriage is no different. I am *good* with money, budgeting, and saving. He was not, and we procured a lot of debt over the years. It’s taken much time to get on the same page financially, but by God’s grace we’re still moving towards that end.

Mr. Money Mustache calls debt an emergency, and I agree. I hate it. Thankfully, we’ve paid off a lot in the past couple of years and are finally ready to put this step on the back burner for some of the other steps for a while. Of course, before we truly consider ourselves to be “free” this needs to be paid off, but Mr. Buckeye’s current mental health crisis and the state of society compels us to move it back a bit.

And finally, 4) Food Sustainability

We’ve lived on a homestead for over ten years and have always gardened and kept chickens, but never to a true sustainability level. For instance, we’ve never saved seed, we’re actually really terrible at starting plants from seed, we’re stuck paying whatever feed prices the government is charging for our livestock, and only have about a month’s worth of dry food in storage. So despite our “commitment” to homesteading, we’re in just as much trouble as city folks if/when the system goes down.

So there it is! I’ve put much thought into this over the years. The idea of establishing a sustainable homestead is pretty overwhelming, but I think these four steps cover the bases pretty well. Tackle any, then all, of them, and when the time is right and God wills we can all achieve a bit of the freedom that our early settlers intended.

This has been a rough year for us with 4h. With the lockdown going into place at the very beginning of the season and not knowing whether fair would happen or not, we were pretty “off” our usual level of focus . . . and more importantly, unable to get the high-quality strain of Buckeyes that we had reserved for our future breeding flock (due to travel restrictions). We had to settle for a craigslist find of questionable genetic quality.

So, with that being said, unfortunately Barefoot Girl didn’t place in any of her classes this year — a first for her. It was hard. She went in knowing mentally that that would probably be the outcome, but as she said afterwards, “I thought I was prepared, but now I don’t feel like I am.” That’s often the case, isn’t it?

We aren’t counting this as a failure though: the way we look at it, failure would have been not completing the year at all. She tried and did her best with what she had and that’s never a failure, which we have communicated to her in her discouragement this week. Plus, we learned some valuable things that we wouldn’t have learned had she taken another pair of “good birds;” such as what specific traits make a bird less desirable. That will turn into valuable knowledge as we begin our breeding program.

The week wasn’t a total loss though — we closed it with her first horse show (non-4h)! After a rough beginning from not knowing what to do, she ended up getting two sixth place ribbons . . . and more importantly, the knowledge that she can work through really difficult situations. Horses and kids have a lot to teach, if we’re paying attention.

The long silence does not mean there were not things to write. It just means . . . I was busy around the homestead. With several new installations to finish, planting to do, a bout of chicken “what’s this?” that happened, and a new goat (!!!!!), I’ve hardly had time to sit down and write. But, interesting things (to me, anyway) have happened, so I’ll try make a series of posts to catch up on them.

There were things I wanted to say. Trouble is, I have too many unorganized notebooks . . . and I couldn’t keep track of my thoughts. Oh well. Such is the chaos of a person that is always thinking, planning, and doing. And the thing is, even though we’re home a bit more than we were before quarantine, I don’t feel it — I don’t feel the boredom that so many are struggling with, I mean. It feels right. We’re busy living — truly living — for what feels like the first time. We’re engaged and active with the world around us (and by world, I mean our immediate, place-based world: our five acres) and we’re discovering there’s a lot more going on here than we realized.

We’ve been closely monitoring four birdnests of different species that are on our property. We’ve learned the activity of our local fox family and how/when to see them. I’ve been a lot more conscious of tending the garden – not just planting it and hoping for the best like I’ve had to do in years past when I’ve been too busy with work or homeschool activities. We’re coming out of a long dormancy and getting into touch with old friends again. I’ve caught up on some reading because I couldn’t just get more library books and ignore the ones I haven’t read yet. I’m more conscious of our level of activity and corresponding necessary “down days.” In short, I’m a lot more intentional than I was before.

For me though, quarantine has just been the icing on the work of “coming home” that I’ve been doing for four years: decreasing unnecessary activities, learning how to say “no” to community/church pressure for busyness, and realizing that something I’ve long feared – the routine of a whole week at home with no job or busyness – is in fact wonderful and now something that I will guard against giving up.

Which leads me to something that I’ve been thinking and reading a lot about these last couple of months: the family economy. Herrick wrote about it years ago, and a lot of it is ringing so true to me as I’ve learned about the power and importance of home . . . More coming on this at some point, I think.

We’ve lived here for four and a half years.

Four and a half years of . . . not designing my outdoor space.

Why? Not sure. I know it’s taken a LONG time (longer than what seems necessary) to figure out our flow on our *very* narrow property. We’ve tried at least five different spot for the chicken coop, have been uninspired to really do more than a small raised bed garden, have done almost nothing with the bare flowerbeds, and are still living with the “temporary” fencing we put up when we moved in.

Well, I’m not sure what clicked this year but I just started moving. One of Permaculture’s principles is “the problem is the solution” . . . something I’ve always struggled with just a bit. I mean, sometimes, a problem is just a problem . . . right? Maybe not. Also, I’m embracing more and more the full-on frugality essential to actually homesteading and not just “living in the country” (a way too expensive endeavor, in my opinion); instead of trading our dollars to meet a “need,” looking to see what’s around first — even if it’s not the prettiest.

Anyway, there were a few “problems” that have been annoying me since we moved in. One, the huge pile of bricks we inherited.

I really like how these turned out. I’ve done them all around the house and even added a spot that wasn’t previously a bed (this one).

Two, the sticky clay non-draining soil, also inherited. Also, a large surplus of unused tires in our neighborhood . . . putting the two together equals:

I have to admit, I actually kinda like the tire beds. It’s recommended to cut out the sidewall when using them for garden beds, but I didn’t . . . mainly because it was WAY too much work. Plus, I like using them for garden benches at the same time.

And three, trying to design our landscape in a way that makes sense, for none of our attempts have worked.

The chicken coop/greenhouse area finally makes sense. And as of today, Emma and I knocked out a pretty kick-ass little chicken yard for when they need to be contained (like tomorrow morning when we’re at the market and our spring fox that’s been hanging around lately comes looking for breakfast).

Emma’s teepee will be her green bean tower, and I’m excited to be finally expanding the garden to a more subsistence level with the addition of the trellises on one of our few flat spots. The potato bins are new too — in the past we’ve used the cattle panel bin method . . . but since those cost money and we have a TON of chicken wire, here we are.

So there we are. The world is freaking out, but we’re just staying busy and building on. Seems a reasonable course of action in the face of current events.